making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
