Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
