the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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