We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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