Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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