Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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