Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
