i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
