We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
