he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
