Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
