You made me cry and you don't even care
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
