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Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
