I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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