i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
