SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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