You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
