i was born a porn star she said
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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