note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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