I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize