i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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