My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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