i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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