omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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