I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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