I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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