oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
