her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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