Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I would fuck him just for his dog
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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