dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
