I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
