I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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