just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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