I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Randomize
