i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
