I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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