You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
