I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
