ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
