I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
