dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I didn't notice because vodka
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
