this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
