I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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