happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize