just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
