wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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