I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
