those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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