just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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