So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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