I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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