wakey wakey hands off snakey
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
