then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
