I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
