what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
