Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
