It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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