it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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