why didn't you poke me back
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Randomize
