the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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