Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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