Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
