i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
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