WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
