S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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