I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
