normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
