is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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